


All We'll Ever Have

by rrosewhip



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: 2nd POV, Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13394418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rrosewhip/pseuds/rrosewhip
Summary: It's a strange and painful feeling that starts in your chest, and you wonder why it hurts like this because you haven't been hit in any way. But it feels like your heart, or rather where your heart would be if you had one, is being squeezed. It's an anxious feeling in your gut that makes you confused.





	All We'll Ever Have

**Author's Note:**

> wrow another fic! i'm just spitting these out wkdfjklsdf, anyways it's another saiibo fic! and since i have no creativity of my own it's based off this comic/art i saw on tumblr again so i'll post a link to it!!! this is my first time ever writing 2nd pov so if the 'you' is repetitive in some places i apologize! enjoy~!
> 
>  
> 
> [here's the art!](http://ettoano.tumblr.com/post/159598347345/saiibo-comic-tl-5)

First, you are unsure of why you feel this way. You've definitely not felt this before. It is very much a foreign concept and you don't know what's caused it.

It's a strange and painful feeling that starts in your chest, and you wonder why it hurts like this because you haven't been hit in any way. But it feels like your heart, or rather where your heart would be if you had one, is being squeezed. It's an anxious feeling in your gut that makes you confused. 

Nothing has ever made you feel this way, nothing has ever even remotely given you this anxious feeling.  You don't like that it hurts and you don't like that sometimes it makes you want to cry, and if you could cry you would.

Yet it seems to cease completely when you're with Saihara.

It's like an eerie calm washes over you and you completely forget the pain you were feeling before. Instead, you feel comfort and warmth spread through your chest and the anxiety you were feeling dissipates from the content you feel. 

Over the past eight days, you have managed to uncover a new feeling that you cannot place, and each time Saihara asks you to hang out, it goes away.

You see him having fun with other people and it aches and gets hard to breathe. You see him laugh with someone else and you feel horrible, sick even.

You should feel happy when your friends are happy, and for everyone else you are. But with Saihara it's different and you can't help but feel nauseous and sad.

You wonder, and you're not sure if these are your feelings or your inner voice’s, if this is what people call  _ love _ . But you thought love was supposed to be a good feeling. It feels like quite the opposite and yet you didn't want it to go away.

But you don't quite understand this and so you think of talking to Saihara about it but at the same time it scares you. You don't mind if he doesn't feel the same, and you don't mind if this isn't really love. You're scared of him no longer wishing to be your friend, even though you  _ know _ something like this wouldn't deter your friendship.

Despite your worries you go to him.

You knock on his door anxiously one night, and you're thinking that maybe he's already gone to sleep and you're ready to chicken out but the door opens and there stands Saihara.

“Kiibo?” Saihara stands there in his pajamas and you feel like your world has stopped and you're not sure why because it's  _ just _ Saihara and he's in pajamas, but maybe  _ because _ it's “just Saihara” your world stops.

“Ah, hi, Saihara...Can we talk?” You sound careful, and your voice feels a lot smaller than you intend. He has a look of confusion and concern on his face but he nods and steps to the side, allowing you to enter.

You walk in timidly and you fiddle with your fingers nervously. The door clicks and you turn to face him.

“We can uh, sit on the bed…?” He makes a gesture to it and you nod and go to sit down on the edge.

You note that his room is quite plain save for the odd monokuma dolls aligned on his shelves. You decide not to question it and begin to collect what you want to say.

“What did you want to talk about?” Saihara is patient. He's  _ so so so patient _ . And he is kind and understanding and for some reason that makes you even more nervous.

“Graduation is soon,” you start and fold your hands. “But all you have done, is spend your time with me… And I am very appreciative of that.” You smile lightly and look at your hands.

Saihara keeps quiet.

“I...do not know what love feels like, and I don't know if I can feel it but I'd like to think I will be able to.” You let out a soft sigh and your eyes wander around the room. “...And not to say that what I am feeling is love, because I don't know if it is, and I always thought love was supposed to be a good feeling, because that's how it's been portrayed to me but…” You trail off and glance over to Saihara. 

He's listening silently and is looking at you in a way that makes your insides churn. You look away quickly and your face is dusted with pink. You're quiet for a moment. Recollecting your thoughts and trying to put together proper sentences. 

You feel nervous again, not the nervous where you feel like you'll throw up, but the kind that's described when you're around someone you love. It's kind of unsettling and it makes you feel like you're going to start to shake. Your face feels warmer.

“I...I feel...I feel happy when I see my friends happy, and it makes me happy to see them laughing and enjoying themselves. But when I see you with other people, and I see you laughing with them...it hurts and makes me nauseous.” You pause to take a breath and your inhale is more wobbly than you intend it to be. “I don't know why…” Another soft laugh escapes from you and it sounds kind of sad, and kind of lost.

“...” Saihara is looking at you more intently now. Staring. You feel his gaze on the side of your face and you're too worried to see his expression so you keep your eyes on your hands.

“It's all very strange, because I thought that I would be happy when you were but...I feel sad and sick instead. And I don't want to think this is an error, I don't  _ want _ it to be an error, but I'm confused and unsure. I only feel like this with you, Saihara, and since it was only you I thought that this definitely had to be real because you always seem to help me understand things I didn't before.” Your eyes close and you let the sudden darkness swallow you. You allow it to calm you, to smooth out your worries until they're gone like wrinkles in a freshly ironed shirt.

Your chest hurts, and you have the urge to cry because what your feeling is a something that makes you  _ want to cry _ .

_ Maybe I should have Iruma install a crying function… _

“I think I am in love with you, Saihara.” You say it rather quiet and tremulous and you open your eyes.

“What?!” Saihara speaks and it startles you and you flush.

“Ah! Was I wrong then?” You question earnestly and lean over to him.

“N-No I was just...surprised.” Saihara says it soothingly and you lean back away, embarrassed.

“I truly thought that love was supposed to be a nice feeling...but this isn't nice...and yet I, I still want to be around you all the time. Because you make these emotions disappear.” You finish your thoughts for now and you lapse into a silence.

You push your finger tips together and look at the wall in front of you. You feel nauseous again, and you think that if you had a crying function installed you'd be subconsciously crying because of how stressed you feel. You've read that crying is a good stress reliever so perhaps you will talk to Iruma about it later.

“If this isn't love...You’re clearly an important person in my life, and I don't want to be without you.” You whisper that and it's more to yourself than it is to him but after you say it you feel a bit better. Your chest feels lighter and your face feels warmer for some reason and  _ oh... _ Saihara has a hand on your face and is in front of you.

You don't remember him moving but you suppose you were too lost in your head to notice.

“Kiibo…” He trails in a murmur and you look up at him meeting his eyes. 

“...I apologize if I said something strange...I, uhm,” Your voice is just as quiet as his and you're positive he can feel your face heat up. 

You can't process what happens next fast enough but Saihara’s lips are on yours and you're too shocked to do anything at all. But his lips are soft and a little chapped and he tastes like something bittersweet.

He pulls back and your entire face is surely red and his cheeks are a bright pink.

“EHH?!” 

“Eh?!” You're both wide eyed, staring at the other and you burry your face in your hands, wondering how you haven't short circuited. 

“Sorry...Are you okay?” Saihara sounds concerned but in a soothing way again.

“Y-Yes! I am fine it's fine!” You say it too quickly and lift your face from your palms. “It's okay.” 

You laugh again, it's airy and full of what you think is relief. “Why did you do that?”

This time Saihara laughs and he shrugs. “Just uhm, something felt right is all.” 

You ponder that  _ something felt right _ . You can't say you're very good at reading the mood but you do believe you're getting better at it so you sort of understand. 

You feel oddly reassured by this “something felt right” and you look over to Saihara. You smile brightly. “So this is love, then?” You ask sounding a bit excited and maybe you are. You didn't think you would feel this but here you are.

“Yeah.” He nods and you nod back. “Ah but...As for me…? I'm not sure where I stand with love.” 

“I-I see...that-” You're cut off.

“But, I know that I want to be with you.” He finishes it with a kind smile and you feel yourself warm at that. “When I'm with you, or when I think of you, I feel good. It's a calm that I haven't felt in a while and it's not something that I want to stop feeling. When you're not with me I hate it and I want to see you right away,” He laughs lightly again. “Even if it hurts.” 

“...”  _ Ah he feels the same...He might be in love...with  _ me _ …? _

“Kiibo?” 

“Huh…? Oh,” You pause and think for a second. “I do think I am in love with you, very much so...I don't know if I can prove it, but I am sure that's what I feel.” You sound the most confident you have all night. Yes, you're very sure of this. “I...Saihara...I love you.” 

Saihara tilts his head and smiles. “I feel the same way!”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! kudos and comments are appreciated as well as feedback in general! you can find me at twitter and tumblr here:
> 
> twitter: ghibIianime  
> tumblr: brotatoochips
> 
> thanks again!!


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